


helpless feeling

by akamine_chan



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Aftercare, M/M, Safewords
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 07:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/636734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akamine_chan/pseuds/akamine_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aftercare is a learning process for both of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	helpless feeling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mistresscurvy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistresscurvy/gifts).



> Written for Ragingrainbow's [Aftercare Is...](http://ragingrainbow.dreamwidth.org/34883.html) pan-fandom aftercare fest.
> 
> Mistresscurvy's prompt was: _Aftercare is a learning process for both of them._
> 
> Beta by Andeincascade, title from _The World Is Ugly_ by My Chemical Romance.

It happens between one breath and the next, Frank choking on the word "pumpkin" and struggling frantically against the rope.

Gerard's so surprised that it takes a moment for the word to really register, and time stretches out, hangs suspended for a long count before the meaning _slams_ into him and he's pulling on the loose end of the knot, freeing Frank's hands. "It's okay, Frankie, I got you—"

Frank scrambles off the bed and retreats to the bathroom, and Gerard follows, confused and worried and—

The door is locked.

It's so unexpected that Gerard almost bashes his head on the door. Frank's never locked him out before, even during the bad times, when the stress of trying to figure out where they were going after the Black Parade had turned them into virtual strangers, polite and distant.

He presses his ear to the wood, closes his eyes and listens, but he can't hear anything. "Frankie?" He knocks softly, calls Frank's name again, but he realizes it's useless when the shower starts running. "Frank?" He lays his hand flat against the door, and feels lost.

* * *

Gerard shrugs into his robe and goes downstairs when it becomes obvious that Frank is hiding in the shower.

He brews a pot of coffee and tries not to brood and jump to conclusions, but that doesn't last for very long. He'd thought he'd done his research, but he still managed to fuck things up, like he always does.

When he closes his eyes, all he can see is the look on Frank's face, panic shading toward fear, and it makes something in his belly twist painfully. Gerard goes into the living room, turns on the tv, and channels surfs for a while, deliberately thinking of nothing. He's giving Frank some space.

At least, that's what he tells himself.

* * *

When he goes back to their bedroom, Frank's in bed, pretending to be sound asleep. Gerard hesitates, chewing on his lip indecisively, before sliding under the covers. He carefully scoots close to Frank's back, not quite touching. He wants to wrap his arms around Frank, pull him near, but Gerard's not entirely sure of his welcome. 

Frank's body stays tense and it takes a long, long time before Gerard drops off into a restless sleep.

When he wakes in the morning, Frank's already up and gone, a hastily scribbled note on the kitchen counter citing errands and plans to meet up with friends to hit the record stores.

Gerard doesn't know what to do.

* * *

Gerard texts Frank a couple of times throughout the day, _missed u this morn_ and _can u pik up mor soy milk_ , and leaves a long, rambling voice mail about the way the light shines into the kitchen and how he should set up his paints in there one of these days.

His random babble trails off and he takes a deep breath before whispering "I love you" and cutting the connection.

It feels like forever before Frank gets home.

* * *

Gerard listens as the front door opens, then shuts, hears Frank kick off his shoes by the door and hang up his coat. He takes a careful sip of his coffee and sets the mug down on the counter as Frank thuds up the stairs.

He knows that Frank's upset with him, that he fucked things up pretty badly, somehow, but he hates this. Frank's not even giving him a chance to apologize, to explain, and that makes his stomach knot up with anxiety.

It's hard, but he grabs the tattered remains of his courage and trudges upstairs. Frank's tidying up the bedroom, making the bed, picking up laundry and he hesitates when he sees Gerard.

"Frank."

"Yeah," Frank answers, dumping the dirty clothes into the hamper. 

Frank won't look at Gerard, and that worries him. "Frankie, we need to talk about what happened." Gerard approaches Frank slowly, cautiously, not wanting to spook him.

Frank swallows loudly and shakes his head. "'M sorry," he mumbles. He sits on the edge of the bed and looks down at his hands. "I don't know what happened, and I just needed to get _loose_ , and I'm sorry for using my safeword, but—"

The words aren't making any sense. "Wait, what? No, no, Frank, that's what your safeword is _for_." Gerard sits down next to Frank and wraps his arm around his shoulders. "That's exactly what you're supposed to do, when you get scared or uncomfortable." He presses a kiss to the side of Frank's head.

Frank shrugs. "I didn't want to, I wanted to be good for you, but it was too much, and it was overwhelming—"

"Frank," Gerard says softly. "You _were_ good for me. So good. And just because you called safeword doesn't mean you're not good. I still love you. You're still _mine_. There's no shame in needing to stop, or to take a break."

A small, sad sound escapes Frank. "I thought you were disappointed in me."

"Never," Gerard says fiercely. "I wanted to take care of you. I thought _I_ had fucked up somehow and that you were mad at _me_."

Frank shakes his head and leans into Gerard. "We're apparently stupid about this kind of stuff."

"I'm stupid for your face," Gerard counters.

"Your face is stupid," Frank agrees. He sighs shakily and Gerard rubs his hand down Frank's arm.

"Let me take care of you, like I should have last night," Gerard murmurs, pulling Frank to his feet.

"Okay," Frank says, smiling. "I can do that, if you let me take care of you."

"Deal."

-fin-


End file.
